Lately I have been so upset thinking that as a mother I am not where I want to be. I am very hard on myself. I got to thinking about how many times marisol comes to me and tells me something she is so excited about and I have my eyes on something else (cooking, cleaning, cell phone or the T.V.) and shake my head uh huh. Or thats neat. Or how easy I get frustrated when they make a mess and I am not in the mood to tackle it at that very moment. I feel guilty on how much I am missing out on. I am missing them grow up. I am missing their excitement. I am missing their needs. And most of all I am missing their LOVE. I have had so many other moms admit of doing the same things. Your not in mommy mood 24/7 you have your off days. You have your sick days. And I like to believe we get vacation time as well. ;) so thats a total of like 15 days a year. Ha ha.
But I figured Brittany. You are not perfect!!!! You are not 100% brain power. You dont know everything about being a mom. I read a blog post the other day. Talking about Drops of awsomeness from another lady of my faith. And thought this is so me. How easy it is to judge myself and rob myself of what good things I do. Making myself sound like a lazy parent who doesnt do EVERYTHING everyone else does. Well this mom takes her kids out for icecream once a week! This mom and her daughter do their nails together. This mom reads to her kids every night and doesnt miss a night even if she is sick. This mom has a perfect clean house ALL the time. What are these lies that I am telling myself. I am only stooping myself to feel un-worthy of my childrens love. So I started a chart of things I do either that day or things I have done. I thought back as far as I could and tried to think of possitive things I have done for my children so far.
I thought I have always had awsome birthday parties for them. I put hard work and love into all the handmade crafta food and decor. And surrounded them with loved ones and made their day special and all about them.
I take them to church as often as I can to learn about their heavenly father who loves them and gave me the blessing of them in my life.
I schedule playdates and fun activities with their friends. Like our awsome valentines party, halloween party, and our summer sprinkler playdate.
I fix marisol's hair before school each morning!
I kiss them and say I love you as often as I can.
I cook and clean for them.
I take them to buy books and toys for rewards of being good or after sick doctor visits.
I read to them when they bring me books or ask me to tell them a story.
I take them to the doctor when they need to be seen.
I feed them and cloth them their needs.
I help marisol with her homework.
I bath them.
I potty trained them and teach them.
I do girly things with marisol like make hairbows and paint our nails.
I do school and church activities like movie nights.
I take them to sports and activities, trips to the park, zoo's, museums and carnivals.
I put them to bed.
There are so many things I do and didnt even realize untill I wrote them all down. There are so many more than this small list. But even though I am not a perfect mom all the time
I am their mom. I love them with all my heart. Tears roll down when I think of not being with them. I pray every time I get to watch over them, protect them. Keep them safe and healthy. My children are my life. My purpose. My pride and joy. The reason behind all my actions and attitudes. And while sometimes I wish I was better. A better listener, more patient. I know that because I love them so much I will always fight to be better. To be stronger. To overcome my negativity. And just realize how much we all have to learn as moms. How much our children need us. How much they are like us. And how much they love us.
MARISOL- I want you to know how much I love you. I remmember the day you were born. I felt like it took forever to see you. It was a special day that day you came into our lives. Black hair brown eyed tanned skinned beauty. Exactly how I had pictured you before your birth. Grandma Eva and Grandma Gladys were the other two in the room. I saw Gladys shed tears before. I had never seen that. I knew she too was overwhelmed by our miracle. Daddy cut your cord and brought you into this world. The nurses took you and checked you, weighed you and then left the room!! I was panicked. I hated the fact that you were seperated from me. When they brought you back everyone wanted to hold you. We had sooo many visitors.
Everyone adored you. They said how beautiful you were. How pretty your skin color was.
How sweet you were. As you grew you started to show more of your personality. Putting on my headbands, jumping in your crib. The first time you walked daddy and I clapped. We video'd lots of your firsts. You had lots of energy too. (And still do) We entered you in 2 baby contests 1 when you were 4 months old. You won 1st place in your age group. You also won 1st place in the baby olympics contest in your red,white and blue Old Navy swimsuit when you were 14 months old. And when you were 2 years old I took you to the pioneer days Little miss contest. There were 27 girls there ages 2-7 some of them in beautiful gowns. I was so nervous and thought we should just leave. I figured they would pick an older girl. But low and behold they called your name. You got so excited you jumped off the stage!!! They lady said " the princess has left the building" I took you up and they gave you a tiara and took your picture for the newspaper. Now you are almost turning 6!!! I wish I could write your whole life down on here. All the funny things you do like draw pictures all the time and tape them up all around the house. Or how friendly you are to everyone. Or your funny facea and cheesy smiles. You have a personality all your own. You make me laugh and smile all the time
Never forget my love for you and all the blessings you will get in life. You make me proud and will always continue to. Te quiero mucho with all my heart. :)
Don't forget the song grandma gladys made up for you. Marisol sol sol marisol sol sol te lleve a mi corazon! :)
HENRY- You are quite the character. You are 15 months old as I write this. I love staying at home with you. There is never a dull moment. Whether it is you taking off your diaper and going "poo poo" on the floor, yelling bob the builder to your favorite show, making funny faces and laughes, taking things out and then putting them back, or even just walking around the house like a penguin! You are just too funny. You have the cutest feet. Fat and long with short toes. You love to play! You also like to throw movies down the stairs and watch where they stop. You love bathtime. And come to nurse anytime you fall or get upset. You are my heart my son. Don't ever forget how much time we spend together. Every day you and me reading books, playing in your room together (I actually sit on the floor and play) ha ha. And how much fun you had at your first birthday party. You loved the petting zoo. You love animals. And everyone that has met you says you are so sweet. And you are the sweetest thing! I love you mi hijo! Para siempre. - su mama
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